The holiday season is often framed as a time of giving, but the most lasting gift we can offer isn’t something wrapped under a tree. It’s the gift of mattering: ensuring that the people in our lives feel seen, heard, and valued. As Zach Mercurio writes in The Power of Mattering, people flourish when someone communicates—through presence, attention, and consistency—“You matter because you exist.” That is a gift with lifelong impact.
My understanding of mattering began long before my prevention career. I grew up the seventh of eight kids in a working-class town in Central Massachusetts. We didn’t have much—many weeks required trips to the food pantry to keep the fridge full. But despite the financial stress, my parents had a way of making each of us feel special.
My dad worked long hours, often picking up drywall jobs on weekends. Yet he always found time to come to my soccer games or pull me into those Sunday jobs—not just for the help (I imagine I wasn’t much help with the speed and quality of my work!), but to teach me something. He’d hand me a taping knife or let me try to spackle, not because I was particularly good at it, but because he wanted me to feel capable, trusted, and included. My mom did the same in her own way—always scanning for opportunities where we could express ourselves. She once found a free sculpture class at the Worcester Art Museum when I was ten, driving me the hourlong round trip at 7 a.m. on Saturday mornings for an entire winter. Money was tight, and anything beyond groceries, bills, and hand-me-downs felt out of reach. Art classes certainly weren’t in the budget. But she still found a way. Because of that, I grew up believing — deeply — that I mattered.
That belief echoed years later when I completed my MPH during the height of COVID. Our virtual graduation allowed each student to invite one person to introduce them. I invited my mom, expecting something short and sweet. Instead, she offered five minutes of the most specific, overwhelming love and praise — naming strengths and moments from my life that I didn’t even know she remembered. In a Zoom room of 50 families, I had never felt more seen. What a gift I gave her by inviting her. What a gift she gave me by showing up with her whole heart.
Those experiences shaped my work in prevention and mirror what the Health-Promoting Relationships (HPR) Paradigm Toolkit—developed by the Baltimore/Washington HIDTA ADAPT team—reinforces: mattering is not abstract. It is built through intentional relationships and everyday micro-skills. The HPR Toolkit identifies “I matter,” “I am seen and loved,” and “I can contribute” as protective beliefs that fuel resilience and hope. These beliefs grow when trusted adults use simple but powerful tools: full presence, empathetic curiosity, strength-spotting, validating language, and genuine invitations to contribute.
In my role across the New England HIDTA region—whether connecting with coalitions, National Guard Counterdrug teams, or regional prevention partners—the most meaningful moments never come from data or evidence-based strategies, alone. They come from connection. When someone feels valued, they participate differently. When they believe they can add value—another core HPR belief—they step into agency. When they feel heard, they begin to imagine possibilities for their future.
This season, the most powerful gifts remain free: noticing, validating, inviting, affirming, listening, and expressing gratitude for someone’s presence—not their performance.
If we want to offer a gift that endures, let it be this: relationships that tell people—youth and adults alike—“You matter. You are worthy. You are seen.” That is the heart of prevention, the heart of connection, and the heart of this season.
7 Ways to Show Your Loved Ones They Matter:
Resources for a Deeper Dive
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ADAPT Video: The Power of Mattering: How to Ensure People Feel Seen, Heard, and Valued with author, speaker, and researcher Zach Mercurio of the Center for Meaning and Purpose.
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Center on the Developing Child, Harvard University, Working Paper: Mattering in Early Childhood: Building a Strong Foundation for Life
About the Author
Paul McNeil, MPH, serves as the Prevention Coordinator for the New England HIDTA, leading regional collaboration efforts to build protective factors and reduce youth substance use risk. Growing up in a tight-knit family that made each child feel seen and valued, Paul’s approach to prevention is rooted in the power of mattering—ensuring individuals feel capable, heard, and included. He brings both professional expertise and lived understanding to his work across New England.